Post number two

So the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have announced what the world has been waiting for: the future heir of the throne is on it's way (if all goes well).

So I have been thinking about how I will prepare myself mentally for the influx of articles, commentary and pictures of a pregnant Kate for the next 34 weeks give or take.

The truth is, I don't even know how to deal with my own infertility, let alone everyone else's fertility. Over the last 6 years, many friends have been having their first, second and third babies. At first, I shied away from seeing them. Feigning excuses for not going to baby showers, christenings, etc. Then I tried the opposite approach by happily joining in family festivities with little munchkins running around, burping and nappy changing all around.

It all ends the same way: me despairing at the injustice of it all. 

Why did my hubby have a vasectomy?!? Why don't we have enough money for IVF?!? Why do bogans breed without any problems even though they have bad diets, drug/alcohol abuse issues and are uneducated?!?  

I've been trying to get hubby to understand that given my age and our situation, that I cannot go on 'hoping' indefinitely. It is literally killing me. It is eating at my soul, my personality and my will to live.

But I don't know how to accept the way things are and be happy.

I feel restless. I feel stressed. I feel hopeless.

I need answers.

post number One

So here I am.

I haven't ever 'blogged' before. 

Although I do comment daily on news articles, Twitter and the like. I do so under pseudonym's so you don't judge me by what I spew forth. 

What has made me try this new avenue of communication?

The answer is relatively simple; I am alone. I am unable to speak freely to my husband, friends and family.

What do I hope to achieve?

This is not so simple to answer, but I'll try...

I want to release the feelings and thoughts that crowd my mind twenty four hours a day. Seven days a week. Three hundred and sixty five and a quarter days a year.

I want to find the answers to my ever revolving door of questions.

I want to achieve inner peace.

You can comment. You can participate. You can stay silent.

What ever you decide that is right for you.

I'm not sure how often I will do this. I'm not sure whether I can commit to anything.

The first step has been taken.